Hey, 2 days till 2015 ！

It's going to be a new year in 2 more days, happy and sad at the same time.
Happy because I had actually survived another semester on my medical degree and sad because this means I am another year older.
In this year, many things had happened.

What I really wanna remember here is trust and disappointment.
I had this friend, we had this very weird relationship. I hated her but at the same time, I don't. I take her as a friend, I look past all her flaws and take her as a friend. But one day, I realise you don't always get what you give. Maybe you give your whole heart out just for people to stab on it, to hurt you. Anyway, I learn to let go, forgive... I don't know if this is God's act or not but people start telling me that they dislike this person too, and then out of a sudden, I pitied her. Karma, people say, is a bitch. Until today, things escalated to a level that cannot be turned back. I don't know how will our future be, I don't know if we are still friends anymore. But at least I know, no more fake smiles, fake laughs, fake conversations. Sometimes when we talked, I mean, I know you don't like me, but yet, you can talk to me, laugh with with me, I'm starting to feel confused on whether who is faker, me or you ?

Next, I'm happy this year is gonna end because it's full of tragedy. I kept receiving sad news from people around me... I'm not gonna say much about this but I think what I learn from this is to say how much you love a person before it is too late, especially to your parents.

Ok, next, another year with my boyfriend. Well, almost. But I'm grateful. I hate being alone, I hate being lonely, I hate eating alone in the room. At least, there is someone here to rely on, to support me whenever I'm down, for me to fight with whenever I'm bored. Although we do quarrel quite often, I guess that's the way we communicate. He may not be the sweetest guy, the most romantic and creative guy, he is definitely a kayu but I appreciate his presence in my life <3

Still left with 2 weeks of exam. I'm going back home ! I can't wait to meet my family and friends. To actually have a break from all these dramas =)

Glass of Milk

Found this from a blog, thought that it would be great to spread the moral behind this story =)


One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry.

He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door. Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, “How much do I owe you?” “You don’t owe me anything,” she replied. “Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness.” He said….. “Then I thank you from my heart.”

As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.

Year’s later that young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease. Dr. Howard Kelly ! was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes. Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to room. Dressed in his doctor’s gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once. He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to the case. After a long struggle, the battle was won.

Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words….. “Paid in full with one glass of milk”

Signed Dr. Howard Kelly. Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: “Thank You God. Your love has spread abroad through human hearts and hands.”

credits to : virtual medic

in the end, i have already forgotten what's the point of being mad.
Why am I mad at the first place ...
but I just couldn't let it go.
because i remembered how hurt and irritated  i was back then...
and how i know i don't want to go through that feeling everyday.

why can't you understand...
why can't you know what i'm thinking ...

is this the end ?

我们还适合在一起吗？

每当我很想放手的时候， 

突然会想起原来自己还很爱你。。。

原来我不想你走。。。

不是因为怕一个人的生活。。。

虽然真的怕，

可是更怕没有你的生活。 

你还想要我们两个在一起吗？

你还爱我吗？

你有想过我的感受吗？

你懂尊重吗？ 你懂，可是你觉得我不需要。。。

还是你懂，可是觉得我不配拥有？

可是一句爱足够吗？

一句爱， 就可以没有尊严吗？

一句爱， 就可以放弃你曾经想要，可是在他身上得不到的爱情吗？

我们什么时候开始天天吵架的？

是我脾气不好？还是你真的过分了？我不懂。。。 

我真的很不想很不想我的爱情到后来就好像我爸爸妈妈那样。。

我真的不想。。。

小妹妹， 思想成熟一点好吗？

“这世界上，没有浪漫，这世界上不是甜蜜的。。。 “

真的是这样吗？

I'm not hurt anymore

I saw a post today on facebook,
it's about 15 true but untold facts of a medical student ...
one of them is having friends that will help you during your worst...
I mean, it is true, but only happen to a few lucky ones la..
I couldn't complain because I found my boyfriend <3

But to you, I'm really confused,
OMG, what the hell you want ?
If you are not happy with me,
you might as well just say it out,
Why do you have to pretend that you are good friends with me and all ...
But stab me at the back =.=
Just ignore me lah,
not like I care,
I used to care, not anymore....

Immature....

I'm allergic to two-faced people, please stay away from me.
If you don't take me as a friend, fine, go away,
don't act like you like me and all, don't let me think that we are really friends.
It makes me sick.

Happy Birthday bloggie !

I can't believe I had blogged since the age of 16 !
means this blog is 5 years old ady eh !!! haha !

And then when I read back what I had written this few years,
despite of all the memories flooding back, I kind of regret to not write every details of my life out...
I mean, there are sad moments which when I now look back, it seemed so funny,
There were all the drama moments with all my friends and family...

I missed those times =)

Anyway, I shall not do this again.
5 years from now, I'm going to read back all these and laugh at all the dramas I'm going through now
haha !

I wish I can put more attention on my studies =)
I wish I can do better this year, especially this system,
because I  think this is the most related system to my family lol
and I hope I could learn more in this system ...

I wish I can succesfully graduate from this course,
I wish I can be a successful doctor,
I don't have to be like super rich, I just hope that I could afford a comfortable life for my family.
I wish I could really help those patients ...

I hope time flies where I could go back to my own country.

Happy Birthday to me

This year's birthday felt different
well, not sure if this is the way to describe this but ,
I felt like I have gone to another phase in life (cheh~)
hahaha !

no, like... it's different from previous birthdays,
I mean, people who greet you and all, changed...
I missed last time, but i also enjoyed now
so.. i guess this is growing up =)

Well, thanks to everyone who greeted, wished or gave me presents,
thank to you guys who still had me in your mind after so long...
If not, I und that we all hv our busy lives going on ... ;) don't worry,
I'm sure you guys still miss me , hahaha !

every year, i actually anticipated for today to come because it's like an opportunity or chance to talk to people that eventually u stop talking to despite of how close u guys were last time...

even a short conversation is enough, to prove that, ya... this person is still in my life,
I had never lost you ...
especially you, i still hope i didn't lose you despite of the things we've been through but it seems impossible. I guess people can't be greedy =( 

But, to wrap things up,
thank God for what I've gotten today...

Thanks for this wonderful 21 years of life...