UPDATES

3 years later, I came back to this blog and to see how much I've grown, so many little things written in the past
so, updates.
1. Im a houseman now in Kluang, 3rd posting already, still unsure of at to do in the future. Is it just me or most houseman's are like that. Aimlessly waiting for a sign. Anyways, all is good, haven't get extended yet, thank God, and hope it stays the way as it is.

2. Relationsip wise.
Being with this guy for almost 6 years already. How has it become what it is today ?
I thought we are stable, i thought we would reach the end, every time when people asks me about my future, you were always there, when people asks me when are we getting married, I confidently told everyone is just a matter of time. I thought I was in yours too, since when I wasn't in the picture anymore? Why didn't you tell me, why did you let me find out in the hard way ?

I mean, we have been 2 very different person from the start, I'm not into sports a lot, you are not into my small small drama marathons, movie marathons, but we are always ok like that. Since when it became a problem ? How when we both are walking in the same path, but yet i still felt that you are so far apart now.
And i guess the one and only answer is that you stopped loving me anymore. Maybe not much to start with , so today that there's not much to lose from you. Recently when I see you hiding your phone from me, maybe that's a sign. I regretted I checked, I didn't even want to be that person who checks their boyfriends phone, why did you made me someone like that. I never ever ever thought that you would cheat on me, why, I trust you so much.

You may say this is not cheating, but when you start spending more time with other people, when you gave the effort to talk to other girls more than me, when you care about other girls more than me , isn't that cheating already ? and you told me you hoped for an independent girl, whom you don't need to ask whether she had eaten or had she rest enough but you spent time asking other girls this but not your own girlfriend. That, to me, is cheating.

You ask for forgiveness, you said we can try again, but why, what's the point,  the reason of your betrayal is that you are bored of me already and why will this time be any different? I forgave, I let you in again, but the more i thought of it, the more I think I shouldn't , maybe its really the end already, i kept forgiving and forgiving but it will still be the same, what will change? no, you wouldn't change, why will you put effort in something that is already yours?

6 years, and I lost to some stranger, and you put the blame on us.
6 years, how long more do you want me to wait ? How many times more you want me to get hurt? You don't even dare to give me your promise.

Fine.