On 19 June 2017 , 6pm in the evening my grandfather passed away due to cardiac arrest.
I don't dare to let myself think. I don't dare to let myself do nothing. Once I settle down, I kept thinking about him. I couldn't believe that this will happen. Yes, he has COPD, but my mom said he was feeling better these days, and I thought, I really thought I could maybe accompany him for anther few more years. And then out of a sudden, this happens. I'm going back in a couple more months, I'm just this close. And today, the Earth has lost another super good man. He's like the best !
And I'm here, I don't know what can I do. I couldn't bear to call my mother because I couldn't bear to see how the funeral is going on. I can go back but I have to wait till Friday which makes everything meaningless already, I might even be a burden to others. How I wish I was there, how I wish i could do something for him. Why did I choose to go so far ? This is not worth three of my grandparents leaving me and I couldn't be there
The last time I saw him was during Christmas where we ate breakfast together. and then my mom said, go take a picture with gong gong, (you know, just in case if anything happens) and shit really do happen. I'm still super in denial state like I really hope all these is not real.
He is the best, he'll ask my mom when am I coming back, when I'll graduate. He thought about me from time to time. Last time when he was still super healthy before STEMI n COPD came, he will bring all of us eat seafood and he remembers that I like eating fish and he will purposely pick the best part for me. I remember when I was younger I used to snatch the remote control from him so that I can watch cartoon. And he's gone now, and he haven't seen my boyfriend, and he wouldn't be able to see my childrens. Why can't good people live forever?
Yes, I'm a soon-to-be doctor. I see patients come and go everyday. Some survived, some did not. But nothing can compare to losing someone who loves you as much as you love them.
Gong gong, I hope you are okay anywhere you are, I really miss you, I love you so much, I hope you are in peace, I don't know where else to talk to you, I don't know what I can do
