I never feel more lost than what I felt now, like seriously. What am I doing with my life ? Not comparing with anybody but ... Why do I feel like I need to force myself to go through everyday ? I thought people should look forward to a new day. I'm always tired and honestly I don't know where to find my strength and passion again. The short break was helpful , it made me realize I'm so lost with my life rn.
My father said, that is because you haven't found your aim in life. Ikr... What's my goal ? My aim ? I don't have an answer for that. Why do I choose medicine in the first place. Because its a field where smart person go to and I want to prove that I'm smart, but now I realized that no I'm not smart or hardworking. OK maybe I'm not as hardworking as some people but at least I tried, at least I give the effort, and then why some other people that literally do nothing can achieve more than you ? They said luck is like an elevator. You will reach your destination faster but stairs will bring you to the same destination but just require more time and effort. The question here is, why can't I take the elevator too , why other people can but u can't ? So depressing right.
Back to my aim in life. Really... I'm not very sure anymore. Maybe because life is too easy for me before this. And then now its like... Yeah... It really feels good being rich but my journey to being rich its like a thousand million miles away and requires hell lot of effort and time. Yeah... It feels good helping people too but there's always people who can't be helped ! How many people can you help ? With the limited knowledge you have and everything , I mean, what can you do ? I don't know, I'm too lazy to want anything.
Yeah... Success feels good but omg how many times do I need to fall to reach my destination.
I don't need a roller coaster ride. I want my life to be peaceful and simple. I understand everyone has their own problem, we just need to suck it up. Alright alright, enough of complaining. Feel slightly better now. Complaining about life made me feel how I took everything for granted , try them 😅
Life is fair because its unfair to everybody.
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